you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
