im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
