ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
