my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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