I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
