Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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