I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
