look no pants
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize