What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
