i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
