I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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