And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
