I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
