she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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