you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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