Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
