i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need moral support for this bender
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
