i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
