Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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