There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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