I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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