why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
