If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize