i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
