he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
