Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
