Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
