we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
