wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
