she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
