You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
