Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
