if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
