just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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