dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
