A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I believe in your delicious
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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