I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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