I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
