just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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