I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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