Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
