dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
