you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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