I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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