So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
