it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize