I could make wine with my vomit
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
two words: eviction party
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
