Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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