i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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