I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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