New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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