In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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