State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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