So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
