They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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