Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
