I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
