some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
