If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
