I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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