Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
