evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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