drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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