If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
