My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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