i don't like sucking hair
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dicks are not precious.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
