The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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