dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
