Grow some girl-balls and come out already
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
