Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How does it feel to date your dad?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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