So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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