My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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