hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
