you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
