When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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